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© 2002, 2003 by various publishers and agents. leeches!

lying motherf*cker is hosted by captainfez.com because that's the only way to fly.

undermining literacy projects everywhere.

:: sunday, 05 january 2003 +

Am thinking Judaism for next year. Eight days is, by my calculation, 33% better.

> posted by charles dickens at 11:33 am

:: saturday, 04 january 2003 +

Miserable git Tiny Tim still demanding update of nickname, image.

> posted by charles dickens at 11:03 am

:: friday, 03 january 2003 +

So ends another dismal season of Oliver! revivals. Christ, will someone shoot me already?

> posted by charles dickens at 11:09 am

:: thursday, 02 january 2003 +

Lurking round Soho in search of ladies dancing has so far turned up nothing better than nine slags squatting.

> posted by charles dickens at 11:43 am

:: wednesday, 01 january 2003 +

Must stop picking at leftovers when drunk - goose clearly off. Been dreaming about Daisy Duck in a corset again.

> posted by charles dickens at 11:12 am

:: tuesday, 31 december 2002 +

Swans devilishly difficult to locate this time of year. Dredged canal in Regent's Park with disappointing result. Perhaps seven white-painted pigeons will suffice?

> posted by charles dickens at 11:15 am

:: monday, 30 december 2002 +

Secret Santa has still not revealed self. Suspect Ebenezer: that piece of coal must have come from someone.

> posted by charles dickens at 11:40 am

:: sunday, 29 december 2002 +

Five viewings of Lord Of The Rings!

> posted by charles dickens at 11:54 am

:: saturday, 28 december 2002 +

Note to self: next year get cheerier gift for J. Marley. Is looking a bit po-faced after the chains debacle.

> posted by charles dickens at 11:14 am

:: friday, 27 december 2002 +

Suggested Miss Havisham take advantage of myriad post-holiday sales to update wardrobe. Perhaps Topshop?

> posted by charles dickens at 11:08 am

:: thursday, 26 december 2002 +

Ghost of Christmas Future crashing poker nights again. Puts the boys off their game. Must consider more careful selection of friends.

> posted by charles dickens at 11:32 am

:: wednesday, 25 december 2002 +

Distributed pear trees to local urchins. Was not overwhelmed by gratitude.

> posted by charles dickens at 11:06 am